Ninja Arts and You
by Kelenas
Summary: Ninja Arts and You: 101 everyday applications for your favorite ninja techniques.
1. Application 1: Sharpening

**Ninja Arts and You!**

_101 household applications for your favorite ninja technique_

Application 1: Sharpening

The other Genin of the Konoha Twelve would undoubtedly consider it a severe violation of their privacy if one of their sensei suddenly decided to invite themselves into their house through a window, but Kakashi considered it a special privilege, even responsibility, to visit his students whenever he wanted without the need to knock at the front door.

After all, one of his cute students might get the clever idea to make [i]him[/i] wait for a change, and that just wouldn't do.

Today it was Naruto's turn to get a visit from the masked jounin (which would normally end with a large portion of his instant ramen cups being replaced by disgustingly healthy food), but just when Kakashi was about to step off the windowsill and into the room, his ears were assaulted by a penetrating screech that made him wince and almost loose his footing if he hadn't grabbed onto the window frame in reflex.

Regaining his balance, he made his way through Naruto's apartment, searching for the source of this noise. What he found was Naruto, sitting on his couch with a few kunai lying on the table in front of him and another in his hand... that he was using a Rasengan on?

"Naruto? What are you doing there?"

The blonde in question turned around, the initial surprise on his face turning into a grin when he recognized his teacher. "Hi there, Kakashi-sensei!"

The jounin took a cautious step backwards, his sole visible eye following Naruto's hand like it was a hypnotist's pendulum. Leave it to Naruto to wave a greeting at someone with a deadly, A-ranked combat technique in hand.

"I've been training to use my Rasengan one-handed, 'cause making it with a clone in battle is awar... awka... - "

"Awkward?"

"Yeah, that. So I've been starting over from step one, to figure out how to make my chakra swirl the way I want it to 'n' all."

Kakashi stared at him dumbfounded, "By using it to sharpen your weapons?"

"Yep," confirmed Naruto cheerfully.

The silver-haired jounin barely managed to resist the urge to slap his hand over his face.

"Pencils, too," Naruto added as an afterthough, holding one up for his sensei to see.

Despite his best intentions, Kakashi's hand had somehow found its way to his face.


	2. Application 2: Refill

Application 2: Refill

"Alright, whose turn is it to get the next round?" Ino asked, holding her empty glass into the air before placing it down on the table.

"Naruto's, I think. He's the only one who hasn't, yet," Kiba replied while placing his own glass – similarly void of liquid – next to hers, and snaking an arm around her waist, which was promptly swatted away.

"Eh! Why do I have to get drinks? I think this is my welcome-home-party!" Naruto protested, somewhat annoyed at being torn out of his conversation with Neji – even if he didn't get why the Hyuuga prodigy wanted to know what he thought of Hinata.

"Just give in and do it, Naruto. It's easier for everyone in the end," Shikamaru interjected from the side.

At first, Naruto grimaced. But that frown suddenly turned into a smile, and from there into a full-blown grin, "Fine! You'll get your drinks!"

Before anyone could say anything else he launched into a series of hand-seals, ending with an enthusiastic shout of, "Water Dragon Technique!"

The other party guests looked at him in a mixture of surprise and horror. He wouldn't dare, would he? They winced when the bottles on the buffet-table popped open, and the looks on their faces turned to dumbfounded when dragon-shaped heads made of juice, lemonade, and other beverages rose out from the openings and, in a high arc, splashed into the various glasses around the room, giving everyone a refill of their previous drink.

"Well... I guess that is a fast method to do this," Neji deadpanned after a few moments. To the side, Tenten cautiously prodded her glass with a kunai, like she was afraid the fruit juice inside would suddenly decide to attack her.


	3. Application 3: Laundry

Application 3: Laundry

"Zabuza-sama, I'm not sure this is..."

"Haku. What did I tell you about being a missing-nin?" the Demon of the Bloody Mist asked his apprentice, one hand stuck inside his Water Prison Technique.

"...that we have to be resourceful," the androgynous boy answered somewhat hesitantly.

"And when was the last time we had access to a washing machine, or a laundry kitchen?"

Pieces of clothing were floating inside the transparent sphere.

"..." Haku opened his mouth for a reply, but couldn't find one. The last few weeks – months, really – had been hectic; a team of Kiri's hunter-nin had somehow stumbled upon their trail and it had taken a while to shake them off. They hadn't had the opportunity to even _see_ a laundry kitchen in that time, much less actually _use_ it.

"Thought so," Zabuza commented dryly while he threw a handful of detergent (he had stolen a box in the last village they came through) into the liquid. "Now grab a staff and start stirring!"


	4. Application 4: Laundry, Advanced

Application 4: Laundry, Advanced

Credit for the idea of this snippet goes to Lightwhispers from the Viridian Dreams Forum.

"If you so much as _try_ to take a peek..." Sakura growled at her teammate.

"You'll deck me, I know, I know," Naruto reassured her for for what felt to him like the fifth or sixth time within the last few minutes. "Now could you please hurry up and get out of those clothes!"

The entire camp paused in whatever they were doing – setting up tents and sleeping rolls, preparing a fire, and the like – to throw him an incredulous stare. For a moment, Naruto simply stared back, until his brain finally processed what his mouth just had brought forth.

"To wash them!" he sputtered somewhat panicked. "So I can wash them, I swear I didn't mean anything perverted, I swear!"

"Just... turn around, idiot..." Sakura sighed exasperated, before she extended her demand to the other male ninja present. "And the rest of you, too, of course!"

When Naruto finally turned back around after his female teammate allowed him to, she stood there wrapped in a blanket, and threw her bunched clothes, their original colors barely recognizable, soaked in sewage as they were, onto the pile where the rest of the team had already deposited their own.

Water walking only helped so much when you were chasing someone through the canalization, and of course no one had bothered (or even thought) to bring any spare clothes.

Which meant that Naruto was currently running around in boxer shorts, Sai in briefs ("And you're calling _me_ dickless! HA!"), and Kakashi without his mask.

He expertly used a miraculously clean copy of Icha Icha to cover his lower face instead.

Sakura tried to ignore all this, though; otherwise, she'd have shirtless Narutos, and Sais, and even Kakashis running through her head all day (and night, too). Instead, she focused on what the heck Naruto was doing there, as he performed a string of handseals that seemed distantly familiar somehow. The familiarity became apparent when moments later a sphere of water came into being, hovering in the air and connected with Naruto's outstretched hand.

"Isn't that...?" Sakura began confused.

"Zabuza's Water Prison Technique? I think so," Kakashi replied, sounding every bit as stunned as his female student.

"Picked it up while traveling with Ero-sennin," Naruto explained to them, while he observed two clones as they stuffed the dirty clothing into the liquid. When they were done, they took positions on opposite sides of the sphere and placed their hands against it and closed their eyes in concentration. Slowly, the water inside the sphere began to move, sluggishly at first, then faster and faster, with the clothes inside drifting this way and that, until it seemed like a single, confusing mess of colors and movement.

"And that looks like..." Sakura began, only for Kakashi to interrupt her.

"His Odama Rasengan."

Sakura threw her teacher a glare. She was perfectly able to form and complete her own sentences, damn it! Her irritation didn't last long, however, before her attention turned back to where Naruto formed a large, jutsu-based washing machine...


	5. Application 5: Dry Cleaning

Application 5: Dry Cleaning

"Oh, come on, sis! Is what we're asking so unreasonable!"

Temari shot her brother a dark look. "Yes. It is an insult to myself, and an insult to everyone who went through the same rigorous and strict training as I."

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Kankuro threw his arms into the air. "We're ninja; we do what we have to. Heck, just a few weeks ago I held a play with my puppets. _For kids_."

"_That_ was completely different," Temari sniffed.

"Oh, really?" Kankuro crossed his arms on his chest. "How?"

"It... was for the sake of the mission!"

"Yeah, and what we're asking is for the sake of our bloody health! Or do _you_ want to spend a week in the hospital with pneumonia when we get back, just because you couldn't be bothered to get our clothes dry?"

The glare she threw her brother might have been more impressive if she didn't look like a half-drowned poodle.

"...Very well."

Without further protest, she drew her fan and opened it, though not fully. She merely wanted a strong wind, not to blow them all over the desert.

Gathering her chakra, she swung her fan and created a wind that was still strong enough that she, Kankuro, and their team preferred to stick themselves to the ground with chakra as it blew through the camp in a circle, flapping their hair and clothes – Kankuro even lost his trademark hood – until they were reasonably dry.

Before Kankuro could give his sister a victorious grin, however, she had already stalked forward and grabbed him by his collar to jerk his head down, to hiss directly into his face.

"You. Owe. Me."

Seeing that she still had her fan out, resting on her shoulder in a position were she could quickly bring it down on his head, he nodded enthusiastically.

* * *

A/N: I swear the next chapter will have something not laundry-related.


	6. Application 6: Shelter

Application 6: Shelter

Not for first time Naruto questioned his decision to join Jiraiya on his 'training journey', rather than staying in Konoha with his friends. Not because Jiraiya was a bad teacher, far from it; the white-haired shinobi had just the right mix of hands-off practical training that Naruto soaked up like a sponge paired with some not-boring theory so the blonde wasn't completely without a clue how the stuff he was learning actually worked.

No, the problem simply laid in the 'journey' part that accompanied the 'training' bit. More than half of their time was spent traveling from one place to another, seeking out agents of Jiraiya's network, or avoiding those of Akatsuki. Not only did it cut into their training time quite a bit, it also left them exposed to the elements, such as Wind Country's scorching sun, Water Country's freezing rain, or Snow Country's icy winds, quite often, and Naruto at least wasn't keen on losing out on valuable training time just because he had to recover from a pneumonia, or a heatstroke, or the like.

"I _told_ you it would rain, ero-sennin!"

"Don't call me that, brat!"

"Then stop being a pervert! If you hadn't spent all morning trying to ogle or grope those girls at the inn, we'd be safe and dry and warm in the town by now! Or we could've listened to Gamasekkou and gotten some rain coats!" Naruto had stopped walking during his tirade and was flinging rainwater everywhere with his gestures.

"Bah!" Jiraiya waved Naruto's complaints aside, not even bothering to stop in his stride. "A bit rain like this won't harm you. And if you _do_ get sick, then you obviously need some toughening up!"

"You just want more time to peek on hot springs and perv on girls, while I have to stay in bed," Naruto accused him with narrowed eyes. "Well, screw that! If I get sick, I'll be always following you around, and cough and sneeze at the worst times, like when you're spying on women, and tell every girl I meet what a horrible master you are!"

Coming to an immediate stop, the sannin whipped his head around to give his apprentice a withering glare. "Fine!" he ground out. "Since you're obviously such a baby, do you need me to wipe your ass, too?"

Still grumbling, Jiraiya walked off the road, while Naruto grinned victoriously. Obviously he'd been right; if you can't convince people with reason or beat sense into them, annoy the living hell out of them.

He briefly wondered what his teacher would do as he watched the white-haired man go through a short sequence of hand seals. Slamming his hands onto the ground, a near-perfect square of earth rose up like a wall. The action was quickly repeated two more times to create additional walls perpendicular to the first, and the third time Jiraiya grabbed the resulting wall and threw it on top of the other three as a roof to create a simple shelter from the weather.

"There, happy now?" he asked grumbling as he sat down inside, and Naruto quickly followed suit beside him, the two watching the rain in silence. The sannin was just about to pull out his 'research notes' when Naruto spoke up again.

"Ne, ero-sennin... I'm bored. Teach me something!"

"Aaaahhhhrgh!"


	7. Application 7: Digging

This snippet was written by Duraiken on the TFF forum.

Application 7: Digging

Inuzuka Tsume walked into her house, looking for her youngest child, her son Kiba. He and his nin-ken partner, Akamaru, had done something... not wrong exactly, or even anything all that strange for a member of their family, but the timing was just a little bad for this kind of stunt. After a bit of searching she found her oldest, her daughter Hana. "Have you seen Kiba? There's something I need to... talk with him about."

Hana looked at her mother, an unreadable expression on her face for a moment, before she briefly snorted in exasperation and amusement. She nodded her head in the direction of the back of the house. "Yeah, I just bet you do. He's out back."

Tsume looked at Hana questioningly for a moment before going out to her family's sizable backyard, wondering what exactly made her daughter say what she had. She'd originally sought Kiba out because he'd been the last one to sign into the clan's equipment and supply storehouse, and she wanted why he'd signed out such a large number of items. The prices on some of those items had gone up a fair bit, so they were on a semi-restricted status. A few of them would have made sense, as every one in their clan usually gave a few to their partners every now and then, but... over a hundred of them? Why had he gotten out that many? When she got outside she witnessed what exactly was going on, and had to resist the urge to slap her palm to her face, a sort of numb disbelief settling on her face.

Kiba and Akamaru were racing to and fro, back and forth, all over the backyard, using their Gatsuuga technique to dig holes as far as the eye could see, dumping the bones, chewtoys, and other assorted treats they'd signed out of the clan supply and equipment depot all over their backyard. They circled all around the yard, covering their holes back up they'd dropped a toy or bone or such inside. Idly, Tsume wondered if any of the other clan heads ever had experiences like this.


	8. Application 8: Shelter, Advanced

Application 8: Shelter, Advanced

"Here's just fine," Yamato said after a look around the small clearing, launching into a series of handseals. Immediately after the rest of his team were surprised by a number of wooden beams breaking through the ground, splitting and rearranging themselves until they had taken the form of a fairly large, two-story tall cottage.

"We'll camp here for the night," the wood-user announced as he jumped off the house's roof, landing beside a stunned Sakura to open the door. Even Sai looked a bit nonplussed at this casual display of ninjutsu prowess for such a mundane reason, though he wasn't as obvious about it.

"Well, let's get get settled in for the night, shall we?" he asked, placing a reassuring hand on his two subordinates' shoulders, receiving a nod from Sakura – who still looked somewhat disbelieving at the situation – while Sai simply walked towards the house's door.

"You coming, Naruto?" Yamato turned to the last member of his team, to find him fishing around for something in his backpack.

"Don't worry about me, Yamato-taichou, I've got my own!" the blond jinchuuriki answered cheerfully. "Ah! Found it!"

He pulled out what looked like a storage scroll, quickly opening it and smearing it with blood from his thumb before throwing it onto the ground about a dozen meters away. When the smoke from the released storage seal finally cleared away, it revealed a rather sizable house. Not just a wooden cottage like Yamato summoned with his technique, but an actual house, with concrete walls, glazed windows, and a tiled roof.

"Naruto... how did you put a _house_ into a storage seal?" Yamato finally asked, unbelieving.

"Yeah. Tazuna and the people of Wave built it for me when I went there with ero-sennin, but I didn't want to leave it there where I'd hardly get a chance to use it, so I decided to take it with me. And when I told and showed them," he stepped through the front door and flipped a light switch next to the entrance, "they installed a generator and water tank and stuff. It's got guest rooms, a kitchen, a big bathroom, television, air conditioning, central heating, and everything! They even thought of a small room for training! Isn't it awesome?"

Naruto stood in the lobby of his house, looking back at his team with a large, goofy grin.

"This is at the same time very impressive and utterly moronic. As expected from the dickless wonder," Sai commented, earning a one-fingered salute from Naruto.

"Would you rather sleep outside?" the blonde asked in return.

"I most humbly apologize for questioning your mental faculties," the ROOT agent replied, his voice dripping with false sincerity, but Naruto simply shrugged.

"Whatever. Sakura?"

The pink-haired girl seemed torn for a few moments between the comforts Naruto's dwelling offered, and loyalty to Yamato's status as an authority figure. Finally, she turned to the jounin with a small bow.

"I'm sorry to decline your invitation, Yamato-taichou, but..._ hot bath!" _she finished her sentence with a small squeal, quickly pushing past her blond teammate, shouting that she called dibs on the bathroom.

Yamato stared at the building where he could now hear Sakura giving a lecture to Sai and Naruto what would happen to them if they dared to try and peek on her with a blank look before he turned towards his wooden cottage.

"_I_ like it," he murmured with a small pout, which slowly melted into a smile. Dispelling his technique, he began to walk towards Naruto's house, quietly chuckling to himself; Kakashi-senpai _had_ warned him that Naruto was known as 'Konoha's most surprising ninja' for a reason, after all.


End file.
